Passengers fear that a new level of airport security will alienate their personal rights by allowing guards to see an outline of passengers’ bodies beneath their clothes.  I say, why stop at airport security, this is an ingenious invention!  Strip searches are not limited to security measures anymore; there is a virtual cornucopia of possibilities, an endless number of ways to introduce this into the fabric of society. 

Let’s add a pole and charge a $1 a minute per peep and we can eliminate the baggage surcharge at the airport.  Airline fatcats must be pulling out the calculators to see how much dough they will rake in as bored business travelers wait for their flights to arrive.  Let’s be entrepreneurial; the airline fatcats shouldn’t get all the dough; why not expand this little enterprise to strip clubs across the world.  Who needs scantily clab women when strippers can turn a few heads with what’s under their blue jeans and turtleneck sweaters?  And Ladies, can we say equal opportunity peep show?  Who doesn’t want to see Mr. Man shaking his groove thang… you know who’s bringing sexy back!  

So, take that ACLU, who needs civil liberties when you have a new recession-proof idea to take to the bank.  Well, maybe not take to the bank, but take to the mattress, where my millions of dollars will be hidden when I GET RICH from this fabulous scheme.

News flash: I’m consigned to hell and I will be arriving in a handbasket, of my own making.  Dr. Thomas White, a Southern Baptist minister at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary recently declared that "birth control is murder and a sin".  And here I thought that condemnation was reserved for a higher being to rain down upon us when s/he smites us for our futile existence.  

I’m glad I have the Baptist Church to tell me that I’m a murderess of all the spawn that I could be making if only I were having SEX. I wonder what they would say about the fact that there are numerous women taking birth control for hormone replacement therapy although not currently in a relationship.  

That’s right, judge away, Mr. Righteous Southern Baptist Minister… it’s all fun and games when you are judging others until the finger is turned on you buddy.  Just you wait, I’m pretty sure the Bible says, somewhere in Philippians, "the Judge-y will regret their tactless statements and will look with regret as the non judge-y dance upon their graves with glee."  Would you like me to prepare you an ornamental handbasket for that regretful and sweltering road to hell?

Clarification: I am in no way indicating that I am a "non judge-y" individual, though I may dance upon judge-y people’s graves with glee.  I rightfully accept that I do judge people based on their innate human urge to embrace stupidity and therefore will likely be joining Dr. White in his descension to a fiery eternal Inferno.

There’s no stopping the vortex Charlie… and unfortunately the vortex is sucking me back into an alternative universe of evil… otherwise known as the Texas State Fair.  Unfortunately, my experience of two years ago did not create enough memories that will forever be impaled onto my cerebellum, as evidenced here therefore my job is forcing me to repeat the experience.  I tried to explain that I was allergic to the fumes of corny dogs and the latex clothing that Big Tex wears but it was all to no avail.  As of noon today I will be forced to relive the awful experience.  If you find me curled up in a ball under my desk at work rocking back and forth you will know that they finally broke me.  

Arkansas City, Kansas mayor, Mel Kuhn, appeared in black face under the stage name, Smellishis Poon, as part of a drag-queen beauty contest benefitting Court Appointed Special Advocates (CASA) and WON A TROPHY FOR HIS PERFORMANCE.  I’m just curious, as they apparently saw fit to have an inappropriate drag queen contest as a fundraising event did CASA also decide to save on labor costs and have the foster children that CASA supports serve the food at this event as well?  

I suppose I shouldn’t really be appalled because according to Mr. Kuhn, "his makeup didn’t constitute blackface and… he did not really manage to carry out the character as a black woman; it ended up being more like a gypsy."  He continued to put his foot in his mouth with the following statement "I can’t do a black accent." 

I suppose Mr. Kuhn is lucky in the regard that we do not have a National Association for the Advancement of Gypsies… And while you are pulling your foot from your mouth Mr. Kuhn, could you please describe to me what a black accent sounds like?  

Dear Mr. President:

Wow.  It seems like a lifetime ago that we were swearing you in as our fearless leader of one of the richest and well respected nations in the world.  And look at where we are now.  Only 107 Days, 21 Hours, 14 Minutes, and Some Odd Seconds until you leave office and some poor schmuck is left to pick up the pieces of a broken nation.  But, hey, the good news is, although your approval rating has plummeted to an all time low of 26% with the fear of an impending Depression, your approval ratings are still higher than Harry Truman’s abysmal 22% and Nixon’s 24%.  

No worries though, with 107 days left to go, you can still aspire to drop those last four percent and hold yet another special place in our hearts as the Secret Service escort you out of the Oval Office.   

I wonder if your presidential library would like a copy of this graph for the tourists who stop by?  I’ll be sure to send them a copy.  You, like Truman, hold another special distinction for us all, in that you catapulted into record high approval ratings and then rode the slippery slope down the little green line to some of the lowest approval ratings ever.  

 I wonder if you could throw in any last minute zingers on your way out of office; maybe have Karl Rove stop by the office for old time sake, throw some poor hapless sap’s career on the fire and reminisce over the last eight years of screwing the American people out of a future.

So, all in all, thank you. Thank you for opening my eyes to the years that I will have to tack on to my life in the working world- who needs retirement, pension plans, healthcare, or social security?  By the time I retire, social security and our current health care system will be obsolete so I might as well work into my early 80’s assuming that I live that long…

My IRA and Retirement Fund are worthless at the moment anyways- they have been on a rollercoaster ride the last 8 years and I will need at least the next 50 years to build them up to a level that I can adequately retire on and live a life of luxury in a one bedroom apartment with a cat and a single income.  

Perhaps one day, should I see you on the streets of HP or strolling on the grounds of Crawford Ranch I will walk right up to you, shake your hand, and thank you for everything you have done as President to enhance the lives of the American people.  

Best regards,

Singular Girl