I saw this great post over at Urban Pedestrian’s blog and thought I would share why you should stop bopping baby cows and chicks over the head to feed your insatiable hunger for meat…

1.  Tried and true simple economics.  Meat is expensive.  Have you been to a grocery store lately?  Meat doesn’t grow on trees, you know.  You can’t just pluck a baby cow off a meat tree and decide to have it for dinner.  

2.  Aesthetics.  Vegetarians smell and taste better.  I invite you to walk up to a vegetarian and lick them.  They taste like cotton candy whereas omnivores taste like a dead meat popsicle.

3.  Endurance.  A Yale study revealed that vegetarians have twice the stamina as meat eaters.  We use that stamina for a variety of activities such as poking sleeping meat eaters with sticks until they are angry and then running away quick like a bunny as they lumber towards us.

4.  Airline Food.  If you order a vegetarian meal on an airline you might actually receive something that resembles real food.  Of course, this is assuming that you want to pay $10 for a boxed tray of vegetables.  

5.  Repel Insects.  Insects and mosquitoes seem to be more attracted to omnivores than vegetarians. Whereas cute, furry woodland creatures, puppies, and kittens seem to be more attracted to vegetarians than omnivores.  Have you ever seen a vicious animal attack a vegetarian?  I think not.

6.  Tidier kitchens.  Nothing messes up a kitchen more than roasting dead carcasses over an open flame.  Tofu is so neat and tidy in it’s little square box, eager to please, and willingness to mold itself into anything.

7.  Feeling Superior.  You can scoff as others break into a sweat about mad cow disease; chide omnivores for their wasteful dietary practices; and smirk smugly at other people’s food related health issues.  Diabetes, phht, heart disease, please!    

8.  Thwarting Conspiracies.  You are not a shill for the giant transnational agri-food conglomerates - meat and dairy.  Say no to Elsie the Cow!

9.  Element of Surprise.  People assume that because you are a vegetarian that you must be a weak, sensitive, pacifist pushover.  You can take advantage of this gross under-estimation by kicking the shit out of them literally and metaphorically when they harass you about your non-meat eating habits.  

10.  Generate Conversation.  Every party needs an ice-breaker.  Announcing your vegetarianism is tantamount to declaring that George W. Bush is the best president we ever had in office.  It is guaranteed to turn a few heads and will provide for an entertaining conversation full of questions, opinions, and sarcastic quips.

All in all, vegetarianism will bring world peace and will cure cancer and herpes…