The Holidays: A Time of Caring & Sharing
Clearly The Onion gets it. And that’s why you are all getting Onion Holiday cards from me this holiday season. I know you’re thinking- I’ve never gotten a holiday card from her in the past and it’s true, because I am too lazy to
a) pick out a card that isn’t so sentimental and sappy that it makes me want to puke
b) drive to the post office and update my 37 cent stamps to 42 cent stamps
c) think of thoughtful messages to my three friends who would actually receive a card
d) lick the envelope and get it in the mail before December 25th.
However, I can’t wait for the holiday season this year, it almost makes life worth living knowing that I can destroy some child’s Christmas and send them to therapy for years when I share with them that the jolly fat guy that comes down the chimney is not Santa but the unemployed guy down the street who is coming to steal their toys and sell them at the pawn shop for some extra cash to feed his meth habit and warm his belly with a Mad Dog 20/20 on Christmas Eve. The holidays are about caring and sharing after all.
