My Ascension is Nearly Complete
News flash, this just in… I am in fact the most wonderful, fabulous, and exceptional person whom I know or in fact who you know. That’s right, I’m better that Obama, cooler than Oprah, and the next best thing to sliced bread. You better watch out O. I’m coming for you- it’s a sneak attack.
You only thought that being the first black president was special. You’re going to have to step it up a notch, maybe you could consider becoming the first vegan president? PETA would worship you along with the baby chicks and cows of the world.
However, I’m not sure that’s enough to inch past me in this competition- perhaps you could also consider becoming the first tattooed president? Unless Lincoln was sporting some ink under that stovepipe I think you would have that distinction in the bag. You would have the vote of every Harley Davidson driving biker and every liberal college student making a statement with the ever so classy tramp stamp.
You wouldn’t have to undertake this all in your first day- you might want to space out these major announcements, over say, the first week? This might raise your current approval rating of 80% a few more points. However, it will still be difficult to beat my approval rating- it is through the roof! With my approval rating hovering near 120% I am simply out of suggestions on how you can aspire to increase your ratings exponentially without a vulcan mind meld on all dissenting voters.
What’s that you ask? Why am I more special than the big O? I am merely reporting back what I hear from friends, family, acquaintances, colleagues, and obviously, the world. Upon laying eyes upon me and hearing the three following words emerge from my lips, "Peace Corps Namibia", a look of reverence lights their face and they shower me with compliments and accolades. I don’t know why I didn’t join the Peace Corps sooner. If I knew that I would be idolized and enjoy the benefits of an inflated ego then bring on saving the world.
Go ahead, tell me how special I am and how I alone will save the world from its utter demise.
Ok, ok. I’m not that egotistical… I know Superman and the Green Lantern will occasionally drop in and help me out in this endeavor.
Why Nambia?
Comment by TOPolk — January 22, 2009 @ 5:21 pm
I did not have a choice in my PC placement- it was similar to Russian Roulette; spin the barrel and hope for the best. However I beat the odds- Namibia was definitely one of my top picks.
Comment by singulargirl — January 22, 2009 @ 10:44 pm
when you take a break from adoring yourself can you hurry up and send me a picture so that I can finish my R “OUR SAVIOR” shrine.
BTW- who are these other people you mentioned? Obama? Oprah? they sound familiar but when you told me about Namibia I put all other trivial, non-Rish information out of my head.
LONG LIVE R!!!
Comment by Jose — February 16, 2009 @ 3:38 pm
I get a shrine!!! Yeah, I can’t wait. Make sure and put lots of candles around it with my picture taped to the side. If you need to you can get the Catholic candles and tape my face over the Virgin Mary’s.
Comment by singulargirl — February 16, 2009 @ 4:41 pm