I Solemnly Swear I Am Up To No Good
According to the United States government I am officially a Peace Corps volunteer. I don’t think they know what they are getting themselves into for the next two years.
The swearing in ceremony was as to be expected… there was the typical speech from the Peace Corps Country Director, the Namibian Health Minister, and the U.S. Ambassador. I understand Obama was planning to officiate but Air Force One was delayed. Bummer. I know he really wanted to be here to see us get sworn in as volunteers.
As my moment to shine drew closer the fear I thought that I allayed the night before began pulsating from my toes and crept menacingly upward until it lodged in my throat taunting me with the vise-like grip of possible anaphylactic shock mere seconds before stepping onto the podium to graciously thank the community in khoekhoegowab.
It’s times like these when you wish you had MacGyver to fashion an epipen out of 2 pointy sticks and a sugar packet or at least MacGruber to blow up the building whilst you escape under the cover of darkness.
I was clearly going to die a bloated and painful death, on national television nonetheless, requiring the U.S. government to cover up my death in the manner of Roswell or an X-File, thus I prepared myself accordingly. Unfortunately my death was not imminent and I found myself prodded to my feet by my KKG cohort who was unwilling to replace me in case of cold feet, anaphylactic shock, or death. I imagine she would rather lean my cold, dead corpse on the podium and force the final guttural sounds of death into clicks rather than speak publicly.
Somehow I managed to fumble my way to the podium and look imploringly to the audience and will them through my telepathic brain waves not to curse me or throw sharp objects at me, as I tend to bruise easily. !Gai llGoas… I managed a coy smile to ingratiate myself to the audience and then here went nothing… the remainder of the speech felt as though I was speaking in slow motion but that possibly could be due to the fact that I spoke at half the speed of other presenters.
At times I couldn’t tell when I was clicking or when my knees were knocking together as they shook so much they sounded like the little drummer boy on crack. My speech finally came to a close after what seemed like a millennia and I stepped off the podium and wobbled off to calm my jelly filled body.
Now I am well aware of the street value of this little video performance therefore I am not willing to give it up for nothing. I think we should make this interesting- especially as I am currently living on a mere $2 a day. Thus I suggest a bidding war- I will email the video to the individual who has the most intriguing bid. Leave your bids in the comments section (and might I suggest creativity is a virtue 
).
I currently have $6.50 in my purse. That’s almost a whole weeks wages for you!
Comment by Deals — April 27, 2009 @ 1:07 pm
Can I just say that you crack me up, R! You funny, funny girl… Now that I’ve stopped snorting water through my nose after reading this blog, I want to congratulate you on becoming an official Peace Corps volunteer!
-Robin
Comment by Robin — April 27, 2009 @ 9:02 pm
Thanks guys! I appreciate your support. And Deals, you’re going to have to do alot better than $6.50 if you think that you’re going to see that thing on youtube anytime soon!
Comment by singulargirl — April 28, 2009 @ 3:44 am
But I’m the only one (so far) who has made a bid! I’m more than willing to raise it IF someone else makes a counter offer!
Comment by Deals — April 28, 2009 @ 1:24 pm
I hear Air Force One was busy doing flybys over the Statue of Liberty and causing panic and mayhem throughout New York. Obama sends his regrets. And I’ll up Deals’ bid to $7 and a months worth of toilet paper (the cushy kind).
Comment by Pinky — May 9, 2009 @ 12:24 pm